Sunshine in my Soul!

      I have realized that I have not written in awhile. Partly because I'm super busy and partly because what my brain has learned the past few months, couldn't possibly fit on one measly blog. One year ago I decided to move home permanently until my kidney function was better and I got my education done. I am still working on both of these things. I was struggling with the reality of everything. I did not want to move back home and had made fun of the people who had stayed in Duncan and never left and I was becoming one of them. I had moved around from Thatcher to Las Cruces to Colorado to Tucson, but I was coming back. I felt like I had failed. I also did not have a good relationship with my Savior at the time and did not realize how much I was missing. I also started dating the biggest jerk who had me fooled into thinking he was a swell guy. Needless to say that last August, I was a hot mess! So I started following words I had heard a lot of my life and had got me through some trials awhile back, "fake it till you make it!" So I smiled through and life was going okay. I had an awesome job and worked with people I liked. I had started volunteering for things to keep me busy and I volunteered to help with the PTA breakfast and cheer camp. I didn't know it but it was going to save me. I started volunteering as a cheer coach after that and fell in love with everything that I loved about cheer in high school except this time I had the opportunity to make a difference in a teenage girls life. The lady I coached with would always talk about how I should pray for things and I hate when people tell me what to pray for. So I got super frustrated but then I looked at the positive flipside of that. If I started just praying again would my relationship be better with my Heavenly Father? All of you are thinking well DUH! For me, it was an eye opening experience! I prayed to my Heavenly Father more than I ever had one night and I loved the way I felt. It was also the month that my kidney numbers jumped down significantly and I felt like that had a huge part in it. I now live my life in constant prayer. I still don't pray about what people tell me to because only I can determine what is important to my heart and sometimes I think Heavenly Father let's us figure things out on our own. I am thankful for that coach though that has taught me the extreme need and the beautiful power of prayer. I have noticed when I'm not in constant communication with my Father in Heaven I lose patience quickly and struggle getting daily tasks done. If you are struggling with the "why me? Syndrome" or you can't find peace anywhere. I strongly urge you to find it through our loving God. I'm not telling you to pray but find ways everyday that can bring you closer to Him. I guarantee He wants to hear from you! This week I am headed to cheer camp and I couldn't be more excited! To say that cheer saved my life sounds super corny and I could of made it without it, but did cheer help me feel peace in a world full of girl drama? Yes! God Bless You All!! :)

As I wait...

   Today I am sitting in a doctor's office... This is a common occurrence in my life now. I probably spend more time waiting for results than I actually do hearing them. In July I was diagnosed with degenerative kidney disease. This is not the proper name for it, but what it is is that my own body is rejecting the kidneys that I was born with. I haven't told a lot of people because it's just not my style. I would rather be happy and make others happy than to have them feel sorry for me. This is something I have to deal with. So anyways, back to waiting... As I wait I have reflected a lot. I would first like to say I love who I am. I love my personality and I know I have a lot to give to the world. I haven't ever truly felt this except the last couple months or so. I also love the knowledge that I have of being a Child of God, not only that but a beautiful daughter of a loving Heavenly Father who loves me in all of my craziness. This past year I have felt weak, pathetic, and just plain stupid. I have struggled with the thought of living in my small town alone. I always imagined coming back to Duncan with a husband and maybe a couple kids. Not single. I have struggled with not having that companionship because it would be so nice to have a man to hold my hand and to walk through this challenge together.  I know that I am going to make an awesome wife and mother someday. I know that my man is looking for me just as much as I'm looking for him. The purpose of this post is not for anyone to feel sorry for me or to set me up on blind dates but to inform myself that I'm okay. I still love to laugh. I have learned I still love to cheer and am so thankful that I have been assistant coaching this year. It brings me such joy and it helps distract me from my sometimes negative self. I still love Duncan despite all the drama. I love being a Wildkat and am so proud of how I was raised.I still love going for drives and blasting my Country music. I love my family. I have had so much support from my parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I love myself and who I am. I hope each of you love who you are and know who you are. I love each one of you that took the time to read this dramatic rant! Please be kind and love everyone you come in contact with. Please see the light in everyone you see.